what bunk is better in a hostel

Which bunk is better the top bunk or the bottom bunk?

If you are seriously reading an article about which bunk is better at a hostel, then two things spring to mind. One your extremely bored at a hostel or the fact you have never stayed in a hostel before!

Luckily for you, The Funny Backpacker has answered the question of the ages. ( I can’t believe I’m about to spend around an hour writing about bunk beds)

Australian Hostel room
Hostel 4 share dorm room

Top Bunk Bed or Bottom Bunk Bed?

Like any good argument, let’s make a for and against chart. I’m going to try and stay unbias but we all know there is one true winner before I even start.

Top (good)

  • See the whole room
  • If for some reason there is a sword fight, you have a height advantage
  • Less chance of being crushed by a bunk
  • Heat Rises
  • If you fuck in the top bunk you can show dominance to the whole room!
  • If there a flood, less chance of drowning
  • If your drunk, you will find these beds impossible to climb on to
  • Fewer nights have slept in the bed (probs higher number of different people, I’ll let you work that out)

Top (bad)

  • Falling out of bed and dying (definitely higher risk)
  • In a gunfight, you would be trapped
  • If people start fucking underneath you, you get a shaky nights sleep
  • Drunk people find these bed impossible to climb on to
  • You will wake up bottom bunk every time you move
  • No way to cover yourself up (everyone can see you)
  • Heat Rises
  • People get annoyed at you for sleeping above them

Bottom (good)

  • Can’t see the whole room (weird shit goes on in hostels, better of not seeing some of it)
  • If there is a fire you are closer to the exit
  • You can make a “r**e cage” (when you put towels up around your bed to give you privacy)
  • If you need a piss at night you can just get out of bed
  • Fewer people can see you
  • Don’t have to do exercise to get in bed
  • If Ed Sheeran is outside handing out free tickets, you have a time advantage than the top bunk
  • Higher chance of being near a plug

Bottom (bad)

  • Everyone can’t wait until you leave the hostel/room
  • Long termers- sleep in these beds (less said about long-termers the better)
  • More nights periods of sleep have happened in this bed
  • If a guy breaks into the hostel, more likely he will sleep in your bed
  • if someone brings someone back to the hostel to fuck and they have a top bunk. There are much higher odds of fucking in your bed
  • People might drop shit on your head (also there phone or other stuff)
  • Might find a drunkard on your bed

So which bunk is better?

With this good vs bad list, It doesn’t matter the perks of a top bunk… No one wants one of these (unless you are weird). They are Impractical due to climbing up and down in the dark. You don’t want to be the one who wakes everyone up!

Backpacker tips : Take the bottom bunk

Times where the top bunk is better

Saying this, there are times when the Top bunk is best.

  • When there are two of you, mainly talking about couples traveling together. Claiming a whole bed is better than two bottoms
  • If your in a rough hostel that doesn’t look clean. Take the top bunk, less worn, less chance of someone taking your bed and many other hygiene reasons
  • If there is a dick in your room, take the bunk above them to piss them off
  • If there are no bottom bunks available, sleeping on the floor is weird!

The odds of getting a bottom bunk

“May the odds be forever in your favor” Hunger games

Unlike the hunger games people don’t have to die, they might die, but that’s bad luck for housekeeping.

There is a science and art of getting a bottom bunk. If you think its easy as asking… Your wrong!

There is 50% Top bunks and 50% bottom bunks (unless there is a bed missing, don’t stay at those hostels) so how can you put the odds in your favor?

There is a lot of different factors, but you need to learn a couple of behind the scenes secrets about hostels.

The secrets about hostels

  • long-termers stay in the cheapest dorm
  • Book for 2 nights in a new hostel then upgrade/Stay/ swap hostel
  • The bottom bunk is taken by choice
  • More beds, more empty beds
  • More people check out on Sundays and Mondays and Check-in Thursdays- Sundays
  • Some websites will tell you how many bookings have been made in the last couple of days and how many for each room
  • Asking for a bottom bunk at reception or asking how many people in your room lowers your chance of getting a bottom bunk
  • More expensive the room the fewer nights per person

How you can use the secrets to get a bottom bed

Long termers stay in the cheapest bed 

Knowing this you can, cross off the cheapest room off your list for bottom bunks. As the long termers would be in these beds by now (even with this room having the most beds)

Book for 2 nights in a new hostel then upgrade if need be

This a little trick I picked up rather quickly, Book 2 nights.

The 1st night you can work out if you get a bottom bunk or not. You can do research on the people in the room. (or what other people like to call it getting to know people), work out how long the people are staying and work out if there is going to a free bed when you’re around.

The next day go to reception and upgrade or book more nights at this point you may already have a bottom bunk, then you need to book more nights. The reason why I stay book 2 nights is that;

  1. The hostel might be a shit hole!
  2. The hostel might be fully booked the next night (and you could end out on your arse after just one night)
  3. You will find the deals on the front desk and after staying a night, they can tell if your a twat or not! and will give you these deals
  4. Moving rooms are much easier ( It doesn’t look like your looking for a bottom bunk, more on this later)

The bottom bunk is taken by choice

This isn’t good for you, but it’s good to know! If there are 5 people in a 10 dorm room expect all the bottom bunks to be taken.

More beds, more empty beds 

If the hostel has a 12-bed dorm for $12 a night, a 10 bedroom for $18 night and 4 bedrooms for $19 a night

Take the ten-bedroom dorm, due to the bad pricing this room will be nearly empty (if the hostel isn’t full) Your heart will be saying your a knob but your head will enjoy the lower bunk.

People check out on Sundays and Mondays and Check-in Thursdays- Sundays

This one is key. If your traveling and you want to change hostels do it on a Tuesday. The hostel is more likely to be quiet and the bed free, when the room is full again at the weekend you already claimed your bed.

Some websites will tell you how many booking has been made in the last couple of days and how many for each room ( some website even tell how many has been booked on your day)

When choosing hostels if the rooms are full and filling up fast. imagine the hostel is going to be busy… no bottom bunks, choose another hostel.

More expensive the room the fewer nights per person

The people who are staying in the 4-dorm beds are probably not long-termers- Due to not trying to save money.

Asking for a bottom bunk at reception or asking how many people in your room lowers your chance of getting a bottom bunk

This one might sound strange, But asking for something like this in a hostel, pisses off the reception staff. They have no powers on who gets what bed. Don’t ask for a room with bottom bunks free, your more likely placed the fullest room just so you leave the hostel ASAP, As you now seen as an annoying guest. (I’ve done this to people because I could)

Offseason the hostel will be quieter

It will be easier to get a bottom bed in offseason especially in the bigger room.

The golden summary on getting a bottom bunk!

Don’t ask, change room or hostels on Tuesdays/ Wednesdays, stay in the rooms with bad pricing (or the second biggest), check the website before booking a new hostel make sure no rooms are sold out. Offseason the bigger the room even more chance. If you don’t mind waiting a couple of days a 4-bed dorm is your best bet

Best hostel is better than smaller room
Don’t forget this rule though

Thanks for reading

Loved this blog? Check out The Funny Backpackers How to have sex in a hostel article

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Funny Backpacker

A Comedy Travel Blogger/Vlogger that doesn’t take life too seriously.

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